Have you read about the 75-year Harvard study on happiness? It has been quite the buzz lately. The clearest message to come out of the study is that good relationships keep us happier, healthier and living longer.
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Last week, I was asked to speak about the link between vulnerability, the nervous system and the window of tolerance on FB Live. I’ll start by saying that speaking on FB Live is an actual-real-life example of me working to stay calm while vulnerability is threatening to kick me out of my window of tolerance!
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Whether you've know me for years or are new to my community, you might like a reminder of what it is I actually do. So here goes.
I help people decrease stress, fear and anxiety, increase well-being and life-satisfaction and grow states of calm, connection and compassion.
How I do it….
Now that we’ve all had a minute to take a post-holiday breath, I wanted to send you a wholehearted wish for a sweet, tender, grateful, hopeful, creative, joyful, love and connection filled 2023. Whether we've know each other for decades or haven't yet met, I truly want to support you in having a wonderful year.
One of the practices that always support me as I make this transition is to reflect on three questions:
I know sometimes life feels overwhelming or painful or dull or just flat out unenjoyable. So let me start by saying that gratitude is not about putting on rose-colored glasses and pretending life is perfect and all of our needs are met and we’re just so lucky, and we shouldn’t complain because other peoples lives are harder, etc. etc. Doesn’t that feel more like gaslighting than gratitude?
Gratitude is not about covering up the hard stuff. It’s about orienting towards what’s good…
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This weekend, I’m going to a memorial service for my beloved mother-in-law, Sylvia Kurth. She died last April and I am still missing her like crazy. Not just missing her, but missing my experience of myself with her. She was a person who would naturally and with total ease, shine a light on your goodness. She was generous with her support, with her acknowledgements and with her spirit. And she made a point of letting you know exactly how wonderful she thought you were. She embodied the sanskrit word, “mudita” - taking absolute delight in the light and accomplishments of others - and she embodied gratitude…
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Your are safer than you think!
Another key to nervous system regulation is cultivating calm - hence, the name of the course:)
Moving into a state of calm requires that we feel safe. We all need a "safe space" - a place where we can relax, let down our guard and feel restored. But this requires that we are safe - not just rationally/cognitively but physically and emotionally.
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This is one of the underlying messages of Cultivating Calm and Connection: 30 Days To Rewire Your Nervous System. and if I haven’t mentioned this yet, I am beyond excited to offer this 30 day intensive to rewire our nervous systems and grow states of calm, connection and self-compassion!
Embodying that understanding - that you are not alone - is an essential part of feeling safe in the world. And when we feel safe in the world, we're able to follow our curiosity, our lives expand and so much more is possible.
One of the most direct ways to calm your nervous system, and get grounded and present, is to feel connected and supported.
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